FIC: Dear Remus (for padfooted challenge #68)

Title: Dear Remus
Author: masterofmercury
Genre: slash
Pairing: Sirius/James, Padfoot/James, Padfoot/Harry and James/Harry
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Extremely chan. Mentions of rimming, incest, and bestiality. Harry tried to use ‘big words’. This story might not be suitable for English teachers and grammar Nazis…
Disclaimer: Not mine. JKR's
Summary: challenge #68: James and Lily lived, but Sirius was still accused of killing Peter, with no way to prove his innocence. The Potters hide him as their pet. Can be gen or any pairing between Sirius, Harry, James and/or Lily. (nimori)
Beta: Thank you, Krid and VL Red Reign, who kind enough to suffer the pain of grammar abuse...
Notes: *coughs* I don’t think you had this kind of filth in mind when issued this challenge, Nimori, but I hope you enjoy it somewhat anyway. Some of the grammatical errors and misspellings are intentional, others are my own mistake, but you won’t be sure which is which anyway… ;P
Word count: Just a little over 1,000

Dear Remus,

Today is my birthday! I hope your fine. Mum said Bumdlebore Dumbledmore... um, you know, Him. Him sent you to work again in France so you can’t come. I miss you lots! Come back soon! I can’t find anyone to play chess with.

We haved had a party in the garden this morning. It’s so good. I hate it that you can’t come. There’s so many food and candyies and I had a very great time with Ron and the twins and that black robe man dad called Serious. I herd he is my godfather, but godfathers should be with godsons lots, right? Ron said his godfather visits his home often. Anyway, I still had a great time! Serious is just so awesome! He gived gave me a new broom too! A Nimbus! Can you believe that?!

Padfoot is was out today. I think mum was upset with him again and banished him, because he triped her in the kitchen yesterday and made her drop our dinner. It’s so funny but seems like mum didn’t apprecri appeciate like that very much. Stuck up bitch (whatever Fred means)…

Back to Padfoot. He was out before I’m woke up. Very strange, because he’s always up after me. I know that because he sleeps in my bed every night. (He snores very loud for a dog, by the by. He hock hog? steals the blanket too!) I asked mum where he goed, but mum won’t tell me, but he camed back just before bedtime anyway.

Padfoot was being very a naughty dog! He always licks his ‘there’ and whines and dad must hate it because he always moans too when he sees that and always shuts himself in the restroom afterwards. Mum said we should find a lady dog for Padfoot soon, or he will be a bad influence for me. Huh? I wonder why. Oh, and he sometimes licks my there too. I feel very strange, but I guess it’s some kind of dogs’ kisses so it’s alright. He must loves me so much too because he dos that every night. He must loves dad too, because I one once saw him licking dad when dad’s bathing. Padfoot hates bathing, but he joined dad in the bath.

Back to the party! Dad and mum and Serious talked about this Petty-grew man (is that a nickname? Poor man to have that kind of nickname!) who’s killed many years ago. (I say it must be the name...) Mum wanted Serious to ‘turn himself in’ (must be painful, that. Maybe she’s mad with Serious too.) and ‘get this escapy thing over with’ but dad said the aurors will give Serious the kiss. I don’t know why Serious was being so gloomy after that comment. Because Ron and the twins said they will do anything to be snoged. Serious must be of Percy’s kind, Fred said, but he don’ted didn’t explain what kind it is. I asked Ron but he didn’t know too. Do you know what kind he is, Remus? Anyway, mum said he can’t be living as a dog forever and he must prove his innocentce. Fred and Gorge said it means Serious is still a virgin, strangely he seems to chase any skirts he finds. (I think I understand what they meaned, but can you explain? Just in case?)

They talked about Petty-grew for a while, but I didn’t hear more because Ginny’s crying so loud. Girls are such a nuisen nuisein Girls are boring! And hard to please, Gorge said. So we goed to the yard and play hide-and-seek using the brooms. We didn’t bring along Ginny because she’s still crying. We had so much fun without the girl anyway! Fred and Gorge suggested we keeped scores and they wined. Ron and I think they must cheat, but we didn’t mind because they bringed lots of fireworks with them and we lit some of them when the adults’re in the house talking. They’re so much fun to be with, I’s almost sad that they had to go home.

Dad had a great time too. I see saw him laughed a lot and Serious too. Dad and him are really close. They hugged a lot and kiss when everyone wasn’t looking. I really want to know what they’re doing in the guest room when the party was over because they maked noises just like when dad is with mum. (Gorge said it’s ‘adult things’, whatever that means) I doubt it’s very fun because if it’s fun they would have let me in with them. It’s my birthday after all!

So, the party ended not long after that and mum maked dad and I eated ate all the things left from the party. Padfoot’s so lucky he’s not home. That Serious man’s with us though, and he had to eat the leftover with us!

Well, there’s nothing much after that. Mum’s out returning the kitchen things she borrowed from Molly. Serious pulled dad into a guest room and, like I said earlier, they played. So I goed up to my room and readed the comic book you gived me. (It’s muggles’, isn’t it?) I like it lots. Can you send me more? Thanks!

I’ll have to go now because Padfoot is waiting for his nightly licking my there. I might try kissing his there again tonight, but it tasted yucky last time so I don’t know. Padfoot likes it when I lick him, but I think I’ll stick to the kissing now. I want to show him that I love him, but it’s still yucky. (Dad’s is a bit salty though.)

Anyway, hope you have a great time in France! But I hope you’ll be back soon, because dad said it will be fun having you and me and Padfoot skin-diving in the pond near our house. We always do that on Saturdays when mum’s out shopping. He said it’s the man’s thing and we can’t tell mum. Oh, and he will teach me to work my lower abs (whatever that means) and maybe he will let you play with my cherry(?). I can’t wait!

Love you lots and lots!
Harry!

P.S. Did I told you that Padfoot likes licking my bum too? It’s ticklish. I hope he’ll stop doing that soon! Having dad putting a finger in there is bad enough. Do you know how to make him stop?

P.P.S. Padfoot’s been trying to put his there in my bum for a few days now. Is this an other kind of dogs’ love? Because dad always said that he loves me when he put his finger in me. I might feel a lot better if he’s not pushing it in and out though. Feel very strange.

P.P.P.S. What is my cherry???

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Harry,

Stay away from the mutt! Oh my goodness, I’m going back there NOW. Just... stay away from that damned dog! And your deranged of a father! Oh my goodness...

Remus